my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
