i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
