Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
