So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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