is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
