If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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