Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
