My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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