Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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