If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
