oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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