'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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