i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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