I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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