I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
