it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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