Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
