But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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