I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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