Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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