every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
