I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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