Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
