and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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