you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
