My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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