but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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