I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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