She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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