I've blown a few things in my day
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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