operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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