There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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