Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
