my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
