Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
