I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
