I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize