I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
