He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
