You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
