Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
