my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can text with my tongue
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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