uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
