Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
