I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
