Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
