its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
