if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's the barista slut.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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