He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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