the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize