So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
