Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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