Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
