last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
