Me too!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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