Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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