she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
