Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
