Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
