it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize