They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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