how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
