How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
