My cat gives me a boner
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
