I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have post one night stand depression
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
