we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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