when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
