if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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