How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
