Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
