Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
