needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
