and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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