he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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