dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
