You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
