Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
