I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
