The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
