If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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