Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
