I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
