i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
