I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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