So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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