when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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